I should have said it here...

A few weeks ago I was writing an email to a friend who is getting married soon and just lost her Mother. I hope I wasn't out of line, and I realize now that I should have wrote it here, but this is what I said to her, thinking I was saying it to her. In reality, I was saying it to me.

Losing Mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. Yesterday was her birthday and on Sept 5, it will be 6 months. Not one day has gone by where I didn't think about her and miss her to tears. But the tears have changed a little. They have gone from hopeless and uncontrollable to a tiny bit more controllable and appreciative. I am thankful that I had someone to show me love from my start to my present. I have realized that she is the foundation for me as to what it means to love. And I am grateful that I that has hit me and that I know I can never not know it now.

Over the past 6 months, I have used my Mom's patience and love constantly (although getting a good attitude kickstarted has not been the easiest), and have learned that she isn't gone, only she has taken a different form in my life now. She has brought me confidence and strength that I never thought possible. And that is her. Because of her grace and love, I am a better mother, wife, sister, friend, care giver, worker, thinker, everything! I am so lucky to have had her with me here as long as I was blessed to. And I can't be angry or sad anymore (way way easier said than done), because I know that she would not want me to carry that with me, and out of love for her, I can carry on. I ask her to guide me and ask her to grant me patience everyday, and I can feel her strength and courageousness inside of me. So even when I struggle, she is right there pulling my bootstraps up. I can almost hear her cheering me on. "You can do it, Kacy B!" <3